An End to Okay
by HowToTrainYourPrat
Summary: A peak of what Peter Parker went through with the loss of his mentor. Grief has a strange way of stealing away life without killing anyone. Spiderman will never be the same again.


**Marvel belongs to Stan Lee, even in death. **

**First Spiderman fanfic and I was nervous. How does one do such an amazing world justice? Anyway this is a one shot with no dialogue (like my Voyage Home story for Fantastic Beasts). There are Endgame spoilers. Please do not read new Avengers fanfic if you have not seen it. I won't be sorry as the spoiler ban has long since come down. **

**No Far From Spoilers really, but at least take a peak at the trailer if you haven't already seen it. **

It is chaotic returning to Earth after such a rude awakening on the other planet. What had been a battle, blood, and overwhelming sickness as his new friends seemed to dissolve in front of him has changed completely. Wounds are gone and Dr. Strange repairs their clothes and gear before ushering them through a weird magical portal after hastily issuing instructions.

Peter is the last one to return and has the least amount of time to prepare to face Thanos with his impossibly large army. The goal is the same though: remove the golden gauntlet from the giant purple man and his ugly lackies. Easier said than done, but Peter is getting used to bad odds.

All in all, it is scary and over-whelming and he feels every one of the years he is lacking in experience. Not to mention that his heightened sense throws everything out of proportion and his body is wrought with tension from the constant danger.

Is that Captain America fighting on their side this time? How nice of him.

And woah! That woman is scary! Good thing she seems to like Peter that one time she speaks to him.

And Mr. Stark is there, meaning that, though, things may seem awful, terrible, and mildly hopeless that it will all be okay. Especially after that hug! Mr. Stark willingly gives him a hug! Wait until he tells Aunt May!

Only then it isn't okay, and Peter knows in a moment that it never will be again.

Just how things weren't okay after Uncle Ben was shot. It wasn't until Mr. Stark came into his life and helped him not just take Spiderman to the next level, but grow his family as well that okay seemed to sometimes flit into view.

Thanos' army is vanishing, and they are overtaken by utter relief. Peter can see the smiles and sagging shoulders all around. And there is Thanos, falling apart as Peter had what seems only a short time ago. The teen is ready to celebrate, eyes searching out his mentor who surely must be responsible.

Only it's not his mentor he finds.

It's a man who's also falling apart. Part of his body, still incased in that well-loved suit, is charred beyond recognition and his eyes are unfocused even as he's moved to lay more comfortably against a piece of debris. Peter is in front of the feeble man before he's even realized he's moved.

He assures the other that they've won. Over and over again the words seem to tumble from his mouth in a clumsy and emotional way. Even as his body shakes and his heart screams out in pain.

Tony isn't okay.

Nothing is okay.

It never will be.

He's pulled back at one point so Pepper can reach out to the dying man. Her words are more intentional, her touch knowing and steadying. It's a moment more before she fully breaks down and it takes a little longer still until Peter realizes that Tony is gone.

His eyes are still open, but they're not just not unseeing. They're empty now.

He doesn't remember what happens after that. Only that it hurts.

Vaguely he registers being returned to Aunt May what seems to be hundreds of years later. He thinks she be angry at first. They're in a strange hotel room with too soft beds and his nerves are on fire. He thinks he cries a lot and Aunt May's words and touch are like Pepper's. So careful. So easing. He thinks he may be dying too.

Nothing is clear again until he's already been shoved into a black suit and he's meeting. Morgan. Tony has a daughter. She is generous with her hugs and so is Mrs. Stark. Her eyes are wide and confused. She asks for her dad a lot. Pepper and Happy seem lost on how to explain at first, but they're gentle about giving her the news. Over and over again.

He's at a funeral. Tony's funeral, he realizes with shock. This nightmare has been real.

There are not a lot of people there, but that's not shocking. While a lot of people knew Iron Man and Stark, the billionaire, not a lot of people knew Tony. There's no body to view. Peter isn't sure why. Perhaps it is too hard. Perhaps the charred flesh beneath the armor had been too destroyed. Either way he's thankful.

Happy hugs him.

Yes, nothing will be okay again.

Returning to normal life had seemed impossible but a necessity. They had no home. Both he and Aunt May had turned to dust five years ago along with half of the universe. Happy helps them reclaim the belongings that were salvaged and relocate to a new apartment. May even finds a position under her old boss again. Ned, MJ, Flash, and many other familiar faces had also blipped and thus Peter finds himself tucked carefully back into something resembling his old life.

Only it isn't.

Spiderman is a bit of a show pony now as his aunt starts to work with charities to help displaced people. They're fortunate for the connections that have them settle down again so quickly. So now they're the beneficiaries where before they could barely scrape by most weeks.

There are Iron Man memorials everywhere, even in classrooms and Flash has stopped harassing Peter about his internship. Spiderman reappears and there's whispers that he's to be the next Iron Man as if that's a possibility. They have to start the school year over and younger kids are suddenly older than them. He doesn't call Happy searching for the next mission anymore. It feels weird to tie up robbers, but he's glad for the simplicity of the task.

He texts Mr. Stark a few times in the dead of night when he can't sleep.

He has his old number and there were a few waiting messages from his mentor waiting for him when he got a new phone. There are Happy Birthdays and Holiday Well Wishes. There are updates are Morgan. All the way in the back is a message about Thanos having been killed, which eventually leads to the unravel about what really happened to bring everyone back.

There's never a response to his messages.

It's not okay.


End file.
